You know what's the difference between you and i? I don't see the point in arguing, and i just leave things as it is. I don't get my revenge because i think it is pointless and it doesn't resolve shit. For you, something has to be done. You'd either go all out and let that person know right in the face that you aren't happy. If you don't get what you want, you'd insist until you do, which would only make things worse. How long were we friends? I'm sure you know me better. Whatever that i've thought about, or blogged about, don't take it too literally. I do feel angry at first. But i let it go. Thats why all i did was stare at you, not saying a word to defend myself. That's how i am. If it's pointless, then it's pointless. No use explaining.

Omg, you're so vicious. Well at least it's sexy to certain people. *Er hems*

My imaginary friend wanted to play the guitar today, but i stopped him. The only chords he's able to play is Em, C, G and D. Haha, loser! So he ended up strumming elsewhere instead. Anyways, i've decided to call him Lenny. Named after this computer game character. He only wears bermudas and he has this squeaky high pitched voice. I find him amusing coz he's really skinny and he has an afro. So cute! Lenny's urging me to songwrite again, but everytime i do, i never complete it coz i'd just give up halfway. Gotta try harder!

To all the stuff i dumped last night, i hope you'd all have a better life. :)
Do what you want to me coz my heart never lies. Do you really know me as you said you have? I'm sick of the fighting, and the arguments. Only i know what my heart says. Going against you is pointless. If you think it would resolve everything, then sue me. :D You seem to have forgotten what i've told you countless times. (Gawd! Thats what bee always say to me! :P ) FYI, i'm not retaliating. What's over is over. Just one time, and thats it.

I am sick. Woke up to a fever at 3am. Forced myself outta bed and downed 2 Panadols with warm water before going back to bed. I am so not gonna miss work. Felt better on the way to work, but the fever comes and goes. Plus, ive already been to the toilet more than 5 times. Just how many times do i hafta take a crap man?! Thank God i ain't working on the weekend. Planned to catch the BayBeats auditions at the Esplanade after i've cleaned out my room but i guess i hafta cancel. Drink lotsa water Ev! :D

Ps: Eva's just got an imaginary friend. And he's the best friend ever! :D
Hmm..
It's been a week since ive totally lost my best friend. I dont think anyone would care - i dont think that person cares either. It's just another day. You are smiling, walking hand in hand and oblivious to shit. You'd never spare a thought. Am gonna clear my cupboards this weekend. So much to clean out, so much shit to discard of. I should have done this a long time ago i guess. I wonder why i delayed these actions. Thought about burning all the useless stuffs, but i dun wanna set anything bigger on fire, nor do i wanna burn another big hole in the ozone layer. Also thought about dumping the shits at your doorstep at midnight, but no way am i going near your crib or risk bumping into you. Decided to just do it the traditional heartland-ish way; dump my rubbish on the first floor rubbish bin. :D

Bye bye Tammy the turtle. I'm sorry i've gotta abandon you, but it's only for my own good. I'm sure some nice cute couple would give you a better home. Living in my overcrowded cupboard ain't comfy either i know so, stop frowning at me and pull your cheeks up! And i dont need my Zildjian trucker cap anymore since i hardly have any headgear on. (Although soon i know i'll hafta put on a helmet almost all the time!) I still needa keep my snare drum though. It stays with me! Hmph! Fuck off.

Cant wait to just embrace myself in the intangible touch of live music. Its been so long since ive been to a gig and my weekends are free, so why waste them right? It's great to do things by yourself. I wouldnt label myself a loner. I enjoy being alone. I dont have to listen to suggestions of whomever's with me. I just make my own decisions, and i am queen. Just like what Joel said, "i walk alone, i die alone". Well, i dont really wanna die alone coz that'll make me really pathetic though.

Joel Joel.. Thanks for wanting to drop by and see me, although i didnt see you.. But i really didnt see you! Wasnt pretending! I guess im not the only one with a shitty personal life huh? I wish you could share them with me so we'd be even. I really dont mind listening you know.. Suddenly i feel like having a cuppa with you. So stop being cold to me!! :P

I WILL get my class 2B licence in two mnths! Confidence is the key! :D Yayness!
I read in the newspapers this morning (i read a few. Namely TNP, The Straits Times and Today.) that this "ang moh" fella tried to kill his thai wife by throwing her out the window, causing her to fall four stories down. Apparently, he didnt know he did all these shit coz he was in drunken stupor, plus he was suffering from some kinda depression. His wife, despite what he did, stood by her man and forgave him, even visiting him in jail daily. She believed it was really accidental and that he never meant to hurt her. They have been married for nine frigging years. Amazing what love does, huh? She could have died for goodness sake! Omgawd.

I guess he didnt realize he was under depression until that freak accident. But anyways, how does one know? If i've just broken up with my boyfriend of one month and i cry every night to sleep, do i need medication to calm myself down? Will i need a doctor to advice me? Maybe if i could just tell myself everything will be okay, or that the world would be so much better without that jerk around, i'd stop my tears from flowing. It is just so dramatic and not to mention, pathetic. Just stop caring about these insignificant little things that's just gonna ruin your life and you'd always have a big smile on your face. Yayness! :D

This old "healthy looking" lady fell on the train tracks at clementi yesterday morning as i was getting ready for work. Well, when it's time to go, it is time to go. No one can defy that. Maybe she had serious depression as well but just didnt know it. :P

I've been living in this caccoon for as long as i can remember. Eva is anti-social. Eva is shy. Eva is ignorant. Eva always needs to depend on someone. Eva doesnt know how to react to certain situations. Eva doesnt have a life. Eva is this and that. That and this. Shut up! I mean, i am me and that's how it goes. Right now, Eva is imagining soft cottony clouds right below her and she is tempted to fall back. Such a soft and comfy landing..
I'm turning twenty two in august, and yet i still feel as youthful as ever. Might not be such a good thing after all, since im expected to be more mature, responsible, reactive and whatnots. Somehow my mind refuses to grow up, as much as i want to. When you are young, you do not give a care in the world. You can laugh and make fun of stupid things and nothing matters to you. But love, it means everything to you and you think you are so deeply in love. You desperately want things to work, and you think youre gonna have his babies. How nice it was and is to be young, dont you think?

I really wonder what goes around in a young person's life now. Some spend their weeknights partying, getting drunk and having fuckfests. Well i wouldnt know coz i was busy jamming and gigging and studying at that age. Why would you wanna get banged by ppl whom youve only met for a mere few seconds? So what if she's hot, has got a nice ass, or humongous fake boobs injected with silicone? Just what is sex to you? You dont have to flaunt it. Sex is an amazing "invention" by God, really. It's when two people intertwine and become one. That's where all the chemistry and bonding all get involved. If you feel awkward and if your mind is thinking of that fella's abs when youre making out, then sorry, youre a fucking asshole. Dont just concentrate on my ass or my curves. I wanna know how you feel in your heart when youre making love to me.

Im still in search for that something to fill that emptiness. Dont know what's missing, but im not that eager to find out either. Maybe i just need a holiday or some kinda adrenaline to shake me up a bit. Which reminds me.. Mum's going to Japan on the first week of April. Lucky woman. She gets to feast on airplane food while i get stuck with eating expired sandwiches at work. I swear im so gonna go on a holiday once ive saved enough for my bike. I remember when i was a kid, my family went to Gold Coast Australia. On the plane, kids were given free toys and stuff. (Sorry, arcade electronic games were not yet installed on such flights.) I had like this old school popular game called "Mastermind" i think. This "mastermind" would come up with a 6 digit color code and we're given a few tries to break the code. It's kinda cool. Something like battleship. Kids are so lucky balls..

Am gonna have my nap now. Gdnite.
Hello there..
Somehow i feel like something's missing. And as i sit here in front of my macbook, slowly deleting bits and pieces of my past, memories come flooding back into my small pea-sized brain. This is so tiring, you know? I hate deleting pictures one by one and i have no friggin choice coz facebook, myspace and friendster dont allow me to do just that. Well anyways, I'm brainwashing myself right now. I guess it's the only way for me to be normal again. Here are some of my memories..

You have been my best friend, well at least i knew you were ever since i met you although we didnt hang much the first few times. We were soulmates i guess. Nothing could separate us, or tear us apart. Thank you, you know. You've changed a HUGE part of my life, and forgetting you is almost impossible. Almost. What aches the most is having to leave you behind. I am sorry, but i cannot deal with more pain right now. I will always have my mantra with me, like what youve always said, but of course, it was never your idea.

Nothing is left of you now. No more dreams in a bucket. No more rain. No more Listen to me.

And you, to the other one. I confided in you, and i trusted you. I cant believe you forsaked everything just to be with someone who used to be so dear to me. DollTrash? It's nothing now. Or rather, i am nothing to DollTrash. I am only someone who can be so easily replaced just like that. Arent you happy that youre singing regularly now? If it werent for Trav and i, you'd be nobody and you'd prolly still be stuck in millenia doing your A levels. I am not gonna leave like that. One day, ill see you on the same stage as i am, but the only difference is that i wont remember who you are. Who are you? Fuck off.

Dont worry, i wont be able to recognize you anymore on the streets. This is it. Goodbye memories.. I will officially be Eva Marie again after i hit the "publish" button.

You know what's the difference between you and i? I don't see the point in arguing, and i just leave things as it is. I don't get my revenge because i think it is pointless and it doesn't resolve shit. For you, something has to be done. You'd either go all out and let that person know right in the face that you aren't happy. If you don't get what you want, you'd insist until you do, which would only make things worse. How long were we friends? I'm sure you know me better. Whatever that i've thought about, or blogged about, don't take it too literally. I do feel angry at first. But i let it go. Thats why all i did was stare at you, not saying a word to defend myself. That's how i am. If it's pointless, then it's pointless. No use explaining.

Omg, you're so vicious. Well at least it's sexy to certain people. *Er hems*

My imaginary friend wanted to play the guitar today, but i stopped him. The only chords he's able to play is Em, C, G and D. Haha, loser! So he ended up strumming elsewhere instead. Anyways, i've decided to call him Lenny. Named after this computer game character. He only wears bermudas and he has this squeaky high pitched voice. I find him amusing coz he's really skinny and he has an afro. So cute! Lenny's urging me to songwrite again, but everytime i do, i never complete it coz i'd just give up halfway. Gotta try harder!

To all the stuff i dumped last night, i hope you'd all have a better life. :)